he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
