Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
