Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize