I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
