Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
