I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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