so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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