On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
