I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
