So drunk its hurt
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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