Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
