quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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