I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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