Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
