No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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