ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize