Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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