I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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