FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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