Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize