if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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