Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
