dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize