i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
