just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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