Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
