eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
