I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
