either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
