You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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