i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
