just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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