i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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