Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
two words...techno handjob
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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