that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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