I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
