Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
