apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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