I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize