drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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