She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
