SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
