Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
well you can't waste a boner
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
