All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
