I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
