i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
