I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
