Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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