I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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