Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
