SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize