I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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