Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize