i jhust puked up my retainher.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I believe in your delicious
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
