i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
