After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
