just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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