And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you never un-have a 4some
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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