masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
