pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
even my farts smell like vagina
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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