He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
