Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sarcasm needs its own font
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
