Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
