ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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