i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
