what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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