I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
