I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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