I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
