dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
