she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
