using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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