God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
