How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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