Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize