i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
