lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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