i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
