Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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